:date: 2019-01-14
:save_as: poems/oracle.html

===================
 Oracle Grovelings
===================

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   :format: html

:raw-html:`©` 1992-1996 Barry A. Warsaw

*A groveling sent to the Usenet Oracle, hoping for a response...*

----

Oh flatulent Oracle, who's salami-induced belch smells like a field of roses,
and sounds like a 1000-strong choir of eunichs singing the a capela version of
John Denver's little-known, early B-side release, *Shove a Cheeseburger down
my throat and I'll slap you with this Brick* polka, please relieve my
intestinal suffering. Oh gassy Oracle, who's particulate matter from said burp
could feed the world, manna-like, for centuries, please answer me this
question (go ahead, finish eating that lovely looking scrapple-salad and tuna
fish burrito first):

If a duck will eat a chunk of dill pickle, and a deer won't eat no
Almond Joy, what will a dingo do?

----

*A message exchanged with a fellow musician friend of mine, after a long
period of dis-communication...*

| Subject: Boomst Goo, Dust-dog!
| Date: Tue, 7 Jan 92 17:21:42 EST
|
| Dearest Shweg,
|
| Have you cleant out yer sam, or does ya still gots mud in yer bubba?
|
| Be you is, or be you ain't?
|
| How much slack can a slippery slappa-dakkus slurp if a slippery
| slappa-dakkus could slurp slack?
|
| When have you last exchanged body-fluids with the enormously (be he
| ever so beat-worthy) Chris-ful one?
|
| Is your soul well-bonded to your new mate, or should I heat up the
| soldering gun and uncap the flux?
|
| To melt or not to melt, that is the cheese.
|
| Oh, yon faithful Air-fed Nadley!  Have ye riddled these questions
| perplexing?  If foresooth, then post haste and without malice, vomit
| thine answer oh so electronically hither so that it may spew
| gloriously across the inside of this, my cold, glass window on the
| world.  If, soretooth, then woe is me, for I would mourn the day the
| ever-elastic, silver, quasi-conceptual wire betwixt us was snapped,
| like so much dry tinder crushed under the weight of a large sea-mammal
| which, in mid-mate, had been unceremoniously transplated millenia back
| in time -- displaced countless angstroms in distance!, to the foreign
| domain of the ancient rainforest wilderness which is now partly New
| Zealand and partly a submerged and dormant volcano in the Indian Ocean
| populated by a race of highly intellegent but incredibly tiny sea
| otters, as yet undiscovered by man.
| 
| I await your bits...
|
| Tangerinely yours,
| Pumpi Chank

----

*...and my response to his response...*

| you> Does your spooge splat?
|
| not since i've been taking my medication. now it only
| splortches. much less benign since i can actually tickle the backside
| of my knees these days without dribbling offensive liquids from my
| right ear.
|
| on the other hand, the oblong purplish pills do produce one
| disheartening side effect.  apparently the small toe on my right foot
| and the second and third toes on my left have started to grow some
| form of potent catnip-like fungus which just won't go away.  i'm oft
| awakened in the early hours by Paco (our cat) biting, sniffing, and
| generally experiencing crazed, drug induced feline orgasms on the tiny
| appendages.  ah well, at least she doesn't poop on our food when we're
| not looking...
| 
| as for you, would you rather bring home the bacon, or be water soluble?

----

*...a deep though to be muttered aloud*

| If I'm looking to buy a graphical user interface system which exhibits
| an object-oriented-like behavior, does that mean I want an OOy GUI?