Fridge Haiku
© 1997 Barry A. Warsaw

Fridge haiku are built out of zads of little magnets, each of which has a single word, letter, or contraction written on it. The words tend towards the suggestive so some of the haiku can be rather racy, disgusting or both. Faint of heart need not read on.

Sadly some of my FH's have been lost, chaotically rearranged by trolls constructed of leftover tuna and bad cheese. If only I'd eaten that sandwich, or at least fed it to the cat.

Sigh.

Also, I wish I could easily reproduce the effect of using individual little bits of ink covered magnets. I think that would be more effective than just seeing the haiku syllables all run together like a dollop of last month's half-and-half. It helps to have a sense of the restrictions imposed by the media; the limited choice of suggestive words, the frantic search for a lone r or ed, the overwhelming frustration and doom you realize the one word you need is essential in the haiku near the freezer handle. There used to be a cool Java applet that would give you visceral sense of magnetic arrangements, but it appears to be gone from the web now. If you find one, let me know!

I actually have two sets of FR's: one is the traditional set of suggestive words, of which I think the applet above is a pretty good representation. I'm just starting to play with the second set, which feature mostly Yiddish words and phrases... and a few blanks!

Apologies in advance for the tasteless nature of many of these.


Still eternity
never the most easy sleep
screaming after life
Smooth chocolate milk death
picture her weak cry, and moan
recalling sweet blood
Pound them hot fingers
through her gorgeous pink hair place
Produce some pant juice
She used their ugly
Enormous purple love poles
Like a spring puppy
life is like a road
out of winter shadow
stop the lazy driving[*]
shmooze with a Rabbi
what a little Kosher pisher you have
Hoo-ha!
Frantic summer rain
Behind bare winter gardens
Those were the moon's gift
Licking your sausage
The girl is lusting over
Raw boiled butt meat
Smells, repulsively
skin-like, trudge bitterly on
Our delicate tongues
fiddling with their meat
drunk men do produce a light
flooding in bed
my liver is raw
I saw it on her TV
her finger touched it
sordid lust
what an ugly tongue
please place it in me
like a fluff pole
I shake and sweat
as you manipulate my
purple power sausage
your enormous pink butt
size of a ship
hairless
like a waxed puppy
my mother drools
as she dreams about eating
two thousand pounds of egg
a lovely girl
chocolate skin honey smooth
white gorgeous goddess
pant lick
his repulsive milky smear smells
like rain water from a summer storm
[*] Co-written by my brother-in-law David M. and myself.